Opinion: Thanks, Steve, for not giving me an iPad

By Nate Cochrane on Apr 15, 2010 2:40 PM
Filed under Software

Delay means time to concentrate on important stuff.

Thanks, Steve Jobs, for delaying the release of your shiny new iPad in Australia.

Now I can compare its merits against other such slate devices from HP, the Chinese factories and Asus among others. I hear they have things the iPad lacks, such as USB, decent Wi-Fi reception, a camera for Skype, multi-tasking and faster processors.

Now I will make an informed decision and not rush into anything.

By the time the iPad gets here, maybe it will be in its second or third incarnation and all those pesky bugs, incompatibilities and security flaws will be ironed out. Next time you're presenting to your American buyers, those first-class citizens in the nation of Apple, please pass along my thanks for stepping into the line of fire to smooth those crimps for me. Champs.

I'm especially warmed by your encouragement under the bland headline "Apple Media Advisory" for me to be happy for your US chosen who will get my iPad: "We know that many international customers waiting to buy an iPad will be disappointed by this news but we hope they will be pleased to learn the reason - the iPad is a runaway success in the US thus far".

That certainly softens the blow, thanks, again.

And I guess you delivered on one promise, at least: the iPad truly is magical. Even before it arrived this month as you said it would, it already has performed a disappearing act. Boom.

I was talking to my local Apple reseller today -- you know the blokes who sell, service and support your products and customers? He was not a happy chappy, let me tell you. But what does he know? He's only been selling your kit since before the Newton MessagePad was a glimmer in the eyes of Michael Tchao and Steve Capps and when every Cube sold came with a complimentary smoke alarm and invisible crack removal tool.

Besides, the lack of local supply will surely be met by parallel importers and grey market websites, so it all balances out, kind of, doesn't it?

I'm amused by the thought of Apple's lumbering fleet of container ships the size of supertankers turning around in the world's shipping lanes as they were headed to their destinations laden to the bulwarks with iPads. I imagine it would take an hour or more under full steam for each of them to turn around as all the smaller boats and ships dart out of their way.

Of course, the air shipments just have to be re-deployed and I imagine the seats on US-bound airliners will fill up swiftly now that non-Americans, that 60 percent and the fastest growing part of your business, have to physically go to a US Apple Store to slake their thirst at the font of all things cool in gadgetry. No prizes for guessing why there's a US shortage - the comitragically hip are either buying online or hopping on planet-destroying airplanes. Mountain and Muhammad.

And it gives the telcos a bit longer to ready their hopelessly inadequate 3G networks for the data these devices will suck up.

Sure, there will be teeth gnashing from disappointed fashionistas who hoped later this month to balance a cafe latte in one hand and an iPad in the other while baristas, waiters and coffee shop customers craned their necks to bask in the reflected glow of their Apple Inc style. Now they'll just have to content themselves with doing iLaps along Chapel and Oxford streets in their Vespas for a bit longer.

And there will be those today who will rant in online forums and blogs but they will be re-educated by the faithful, the Apple fanbois from the Cult of Mac who see it as their You-given duty to put a positive spin on every lame move Apple makes. So you won't have to spend too much on PR to counter the umbrage.

And one more thing, you may even be able to turn a quid from this debacle of poor planning because we all know that Apple doesn't get enough free advertising through the media...

 
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