By Ian Yates
21 April 2008 12:26PM
Tags: opinion | cdma | shutdown | faq

It’s come to our attention that there are lots of people using the old CDMA mobile phone network who just don’t get it when it comes to the shutdown of the service and the subsequent switch to the NextG network. To help them get it, we’ve compiled this FAQ based on the questions we’ve been sent on the subject by concerned readers along with a few comments from the local kindergarten.

Q: If my uncle keeps his CDMA phone and I keep mine, can we chat to each other for free after the shutdown?
A: Yes, as long as you’re in the same room.

Q: Will my new NextG phone keep my ears warm like my old CDMA phone did in winter?
A: Yes, and it will toast your testicles at the same time. Just remember to keep calls to a minimum of two hours and don’t use those silly earpieces – nobody wants to end up with blue teeth.

Q: Will we get a signal in the coalmine? Even CDMA didn’t work there.
A: Yes, NextG gets a signal everywhere on the planet, under the planet, and should even work quite well on the International Space Station.

Q: What frequencies does the NextG network use? My dog has been acting strangely since we switched.
A: NextG uses frequencies that you can’t hear, which is why sometimes the other party sounds faint. This happens when you get older. Your dog and your children will find they can use NextG without any problems.

Q: Why is it called NextG?
A: Can’t help you there. We’ve often wondered about that one ourselves.